How is it possible that I've been in Los Angeles a year? It feels like yesterday I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend, family, friends (and my kitty). Probably because the pain doesn't go away of not seeing those faces everyday..at home, work or meeting for drinks in between busy schedules. It doesn't get any easier but I look at pictures almost everyday of them. I swore I wasn't going to become a work-obsessed and distant daughter, sister, best friend, etc, regardless of the 3,000 mile distance, and I can definitely say I'm not. I talk to my parents almost everyday (I know it's a lot, but I'm a homebody), my friends almost the same and try to harass my siblings via text often. Some relationships fell apart, but I guess that happens as you grow up and move into new chapters of your life.
I came to LA with a fire in my belly to work hard and succeed, and I can say I feel like that fire is stronger than it was before. I was really scared of not knowing anyone, not knowing my surroundings and not really sure how I was going to support myself if my savings ran out.
We grew up watching The Hills, seeing LC and Heidi interning, going to school, going out and it looked so effortlessly fabulous. Let me tell you a little something, this town is full of wealthy kids who can intern forever if they want to and not have to worry about rent... For me and many others that's not the case. It sucks seeing them pull up in their brand new Mercedes or Maserati's and watch them spend $18 on a salad everyday.. I've wanted to punch countless people in the face because I was envious of their lifestyle.. But I soon realized that lifestyle is incomparable and unrealistic.. Plus some of those rich kids will never know what a work ethic is or what it's like to work hard for something they want because it's often just handed to them. It's actually kind of sad.
A little word of advice, if your thinking about moving to LA or NYC and have less than $10k saved, good luck being able to sleep at night if you can't find a waitressing or full-time paid job because every other person in this town is an actor or writer and is trying to get one too. Once a few months of rent goes by, you leave the grocery store with 8 basic items and its $45 every time and gas is $4.59/gallon you'll start getting nervous too. I definitely lost a lot of sleep at night worrying about how I was gonna pay my bills but I didn't let that consume my life because that's how people crack, break down and give up because they are scared. I refused to be the girl that moved back home.. That is not going to be me. I have to prove to myself and everyone else that if you really want something, you can make it happen.
I had just paid my rent in March and pulled into Trader Joes to get a few groceries.. I checked my balance on my phone and had a whopping $56.23 in my account..a little in savings and that was it. I loved my internship but like many fashion internships, it was unpaid. I knew what I was getting myself into but finding a paying part-time job was difficult. In tears I sat in the parking lot..I kept saying I've got to get a job and I've got to start seriously making money. I am not going to give up now. I wasn't out partying in Hollywood and I was literally sending out my resume 20 times a day and going on interviews left and right. I was living off of lean cuisine,granola bars, water and Diet Coke (which I'm grateful for because I know people have a lot less)..I like to think it was my positive thinking (and I'm a firm believer in The Secret) because the VERY next morning I woke up with a very nice refund from my college for overpaying each month, and the day after that, I got a serving job to support myself during my handful of internships. You know how they say right before you give up is when something amazing happens? I'd like to think that was just one of the amazing things I came across while busting my butt to prove myself. Every couple weeks I felt like there was a new obstacle or I was going to snap, but I kept my head down and kept plugging away and something amazing would happen like a great opportunity or a new contact who wanted to help me out.
I came here with not much.. But I work really hard and I never lose sight of my goals.The opportunities I've had and experience I've gained is more than what I could have ever, ever asked for and I'm truly grateful for those who gave me those chances and opportunities.. It seems like everyday I'm making a new connection, learning something new or just simply proving to myself and others that I am going to accomplish and become exactly everything that I want to because I refuse to fail.
I guess in the end, this reflection is to simply remind you to not give up regardless of how scared, desperate and lost you feel because if you work hard enough and believe you can do it, you can make it happen. Don't keep putting your dreams off because your scared of failing, because there are thousands of people who think they want the same thing as you..going after that same goal or competing for that position.. The longer you wait, the more time you lose..You just have to get in there, hustle and want it more than they do.
Oh yes, and be smart with your money, being poor is no fun.
XX sarah
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